Unraveling, with Brooke Baldwin

Dearest Unravelers and Unravelers-to-be –

I’m proud to report I am writing this letter from bed. That’s right — middle of the day, under the covers, cozy, with a palm tree out my second story window. (I’m still tickled that I live in LA as it’s 65-degrees in December!) As the year winds down, this is me giving myself (and any and all of y’all if you need it too) permission to slowwwwww down, permission to put it — whatever “it” is (work, itchiness with a family member, disappointment over any kind of rejection) down, permission to take a long minute for ourselves. (Speaking to myself, too, here.) Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Wanna know my new favorite two words? “Choose me.” I know I mentioned this a few weeks ago, but I am deep in “choosing me” territory. What does this mean? It’s so simple: prioritizing my needs first. Putting the oxygen mask on me and then my beloveds nearby. For example, if my nervous system is eff’d from a misunderstanding with my partner or there’s been a rupture in my home, instead of trying to immediately fix it or self-evacuate to keep the peace, I will now leave the premises, go find a safe physical space for me to go get quiet and calm (my office, my car, a walk around the block) and focus on me. It’s the opposite of running away — I’m actually running toward myself, my needs, and a possible solution for peace. Sometimes this takes time. That’s okay. This is us loving ourselves in order to love those around us.

Would you consider taking just ten minutes to make a list — I love lists! — where you write down your needs? Have you even thought about your needs lately? This is me loving you as I’m loving on myself these days and gently suggesting you think about it and then write them down. This is all a learning from my own Unraveling. There’s something about the practice of writing it down, like pen and paper, people. It does something extra for our brains and our future actions.

I go through phases where I’m absolutely terrible at this (and by phases I mean all the time LOL). I’m a helper / caretaker through and through (Can I get a HOLLAAAAAAA for all my Enneagram 2’s out there!) So I have to get really intentional about “choosing me” — like really make it a daily practice like working out or carving out time to meditate. But you wanna know what, or really who, has recently cannonballed me into my “choose me” journey? First it was my good friend Allegra and now someone else has doubled down: my ole’ pal Mel Robbins. If you’ve been on the interwebs at all the last two weeks, you’ve seen Mel talking about her “Let Them Theory” in her new book (yes these are my other two new favorite words: “let them.” And as Mel texted me the other day — don’t forget the second part which is “let me” aka “choose me”).

Me and Mel after dinner in New York a couple of years ago. She was like a big sis.

Mel’s Let Them Theory is about how to stop wasting time and energy on things that are out of your control. The book's central idea is that you should "let them" (meaning others) — ie: let them be mad at you, let them go out without a plan, let them keep failing even though you know how to fix it — and focus on what you can control, such as your thoughts, actions, and how you choose to spend your time. I’ve already pre-ordered her book (it comes out Christmas Eve) which I’m sure will be on the bestseller list for a long time. If you’ve missed her conversation with Oprah and you want to pop it on while you’re in the car or the bath, here you go: watch or listen here. So curious what your biggest takeaway will be — drop a comment below. I blasted that interview out to so many of my closest friends. I was BLOWN AWAY by the truths and takeaways.

This is all on my mind because I know I’m not alone in my desire to honor myself, honor all the changes we’ve been brave enough to make this year and also the things to come. I did a very cool thing with two dear girlfriends recently on the beach here in LA. I was texting with my girl Natalie and this idea came to me. Here’s my actual text:

So,

Natalie Kuhn

, our friend Jill who flew in from the East Coast and I plopped down on the beach around sunset to talk about the year that has been for each of us (leaving jobs, moving coasts, living with kids with new-ish partners for the first time, calling out our old pesky patterns and dreaming new dreams for ourselves). I got this idea from my dear friend and former life coach Treena — she’d often get on me for being so focused on the next thing instead of pausing for self-acknowledgement. (I created a page in the notes section in my iphone where I’d jot down things I wanted to honor in myself that I’d done or not done (again) as examples of growth. Pretty fun to look back on. Have you done this? I know it’s not handwritten — that’s okay too.) Treena is also, not surprisingly, the reason I do my end-of-the year intentions every year. As soon as she has the form up on her website, I will share it with you. I find answering some of these questions so freaking challenging but massively important to push myself to complete. The trick is — you cannot write things down like: in 2025, I’d like to… “get a job in x industry” or “make more money.” Nope. You have to have full agency and control over the thing (read: you can only control your own actions). Instead it’s something like: in 2025, I’d like to… “make it a practice to do one thing everyday that shows myself that I’m choosing myself” or “continue to learn how to let go, surrender (and allow life to happen for me instead of me chasing it).” And then under each intention, you write about what core value this aligns with in you (ie integrity, divine trust, etc). By the way, that second intention was one of mine going into 2023.

So here’s exactly what we did and shared on the beach — I highly recommend doing it with your nearest and dearest or partners or kids: