Unraveling, with Brooke Baldwin

Hi, I’m Brooke…

Not Brooke Baldwin (read in your best TV anchor voice)... or CNN’s Brooke Baldwin. Or even Brookie or Double-B as my friends and family sometimes call me. Nope. These days I prefer just Brooke. After two decades as a journalist, it took me a minute to figure out who she is. Actually, the truth is… I’m still figuring that out. I definitely don't have all the answers. But I bet like many of you, I am unraveling.

Then: me, 2019… Now: me, 2024

Are you familiar with that great quote from The Alchemist author Paulo Coelho? “Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”

Spot on, right? (Read it again.)

Maybe you're used to seeing me on your TV screens. Perhaps I kept you company (in millions of your living rooms) during the pandemic. Maybe you know me from my book HUDDLE about the collective power of women… or my Netflix show The Trust. Or you read my bombshell essay in Vanity Fair this spring where I poured my guts out onto the page, explaining why I really left CNN – and how I found my voice.

Thank you – for watching or reading any of that. Truly.

But as I write these words, I don’t feel any of those fancy things or accolades. Instead, I’m in my happy place on my back deck, dressed in sweats, bandage on my nose, glass of orange wine in hand (sorry oenophiles if that’s offensive – I’m a high/low girl) and a cotton candy California sunset above. I’m pinching myself because I’m finally able to deep breathe. It’s been a year. I’ll explain in a minute. But first, make no mistake, I was born blessed (read: privileged) and raised in the South… lived on the east coast my entire life until five seconds ago when I packed up my New York apartment and moved here to Los Angeles… for love. (It’s a mighty good story which I’ve never told publicly… definitely for a future Substack. His name is Peter.)

My first LA birthday, July 12, 2024

Prior to this cross-country move, in my 44th year, I managed to change everything about my life (some changes I brought on myself, others… not so much). It all started with my dream job, really. CNN. I was the only woman on the entire network at the time anchoring two hours all by myself. At the moment I believe there are now three people doing my job. And yes, I’m pretty proud of that. I crushed it. Until 13-plus years in, in 2021, it crushed me.

I loved how I ended my VF piece. I’ll share it here: 

Part of my own unraveling meant I became a believer in divorce. Including my divorce, so to speak, from CNN. Like my marriage ending, it was painful. I miss being a vessel for information and clarity and news—the good and the bad. I miss my audience. But I’m experiencing a rebirth. As with a forest fire, you can burn out the debris and foster new growth.

And it turns out that once you find your voice, you can’t unfind it. You can still say yes, as long as it’s using that voice.

Yes to hosting a social-experiment show on Netflix.

Yes to becoming a filmmaker, my own storyteller.

Yes to getting divorced.

Yes to starting the fuck over.

Yes to finding new love.

Yes to chopping your hair.

Remove your armor.

Burn the boats.

“Unraveling.” A funny word. I always took it to mean “coming apart,” but it also can mean “getting to the truth.”

Now I realize it’s both.

It is both. I am living both today. What’s that Pema Chödrön line? “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” In the past year or so, here’s how I’ve moved closer to my truth:

I’ve experienced a major career change (changes, really).

I told my then-husband “I love you… but I need to let you go.”

I now know what it’s like to feel hacked, followed and threatened.

I doubled-down on my sisterhood.

I got divorced.

I became a vegetarian.

I cut my hair off.

I deepened my spiritual practice.

I fell in love.

I learned a new phrase: “family blending” (aka I’ve learned how to live with — one week on, one week off — and love a teenager ❤️).

I moved across the country.

I stopped speaking to my father.

Another family member stopped speaking to me.

I’ve learned about the 12 Steps (not for me but someone near and dear).

I’ve tried (and enjoyed) psychedelics.

I got my first psychic reading.

I’ve discovered new ways to feel pleasure.

I’ve learned ‘no’ is a complete sentence.

I’ve done EMDR therapy for the first time. 

I’ve gotten my first tattoo (444).

I’m finally trying to learn to cook-ish.

I said goodbye to my first and only dog.

I’ve been contemplating motherhood. (Froze my eggs ten years ago.)

That’s all in nearly ONE YEAR.

As my good friend Rachael pointed out after I took a surf lesson recently: “You on a surfboard tells me you’ve now had time to take a breath after all that.” She’s right. I now feel most of these major changes are behind me – or integrated within me. Some of it was mighty painful (like 2am-me-kneeling-on-my-bathroom-floor-with-tears-and-snot-pouring-out-of-my-face painful), but I have learned to face the flames and upgrade my life on all counts.

Make no mistake, my life is messy, but here’s what I know: I am loved. I am blessed. I am brave. 

My question to you, dear Unraveler (or Unraveler-to-be): When have you felt stuck? What have you faced in your life that has caused you to take a good hard look at yourself? I often call these seemingly existential crises a “frying pan to the forehead” moment. Most of the time, you’re not asking for those smacks, but you have ignored the whispers from within, so the Universe had to get… errr, creative. As a result, what challenging choices have you made about your life? How have you faced your fears and moved closer to your truth?

In the end — and this is what calms me — we are not alone.

(Speaking of… if you don’t know this song by my pal Allison Russell, featuring Brandi Carlile, listen here. It’s become a life anthem for me.)

So dear friend, I’d love to start a weekly conversation with you right here on Substack. I’ll share more of my journey with you — my learnings, my misfires, my wins. I’ll introduce you to my friends — some names you’ll know, some you won’t but whose stories will move you. We can also talk current events, books, music, spirituality and sex. It’s all relevant to our Unraveling. My hope is you, too, will feel safe to share a bit about yourself as this community begins to grow.

See you next week.

Loads of love,

BB✨

Running wild at sunset in Tuscany, this summer

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